Blade in Vain

You don’t know what it is like to feel dirty. To feel ugly. To feel controlled. Look at me, what do you see, tell me, what do you see? Because to truly understand this kind of addiction; you need to face the outcome, without fear, without disgust.

So look at me.

I am the result of society. I am the product of human opinions, judgements and ideologies. You look away now, because the guilt begins to tug at your brain. You don’t want to see me, because my ugliness only reflects you. But I ask, look again, and look again you do, because humans, humans are inquisitive.

You see the cuts. Do they make you shudder? Do they cut-cut-cut at your pretty little picture of what is right and wrong? Do they ooze over your contorted version of reality? Have you ever put blade to skin? Have you ever felt the release of blood? Warm and thick. It makes you feel in control, like you have a say over yourself.

But the truth is you have no power. You are weak. We are all weak. Without our technology and our smart books and our petty concept of security we would be destroyed. But what they don’t tell you, is that what we think protects us, is actually the very thing that is destroying us, slowly, painfully.

And you choose to ignore it. Because you can’t face it. Well I have. I’ve faced what all you ‘smart’ people hide from. And I failed. Just like you all will eventually.

So lock me away, 

Drug me up, 

Tie me up. 

Wish to put me down like you would your weak injured dog.

Would that make you feel powerful? You look away now, ashamed, embarrassed. Because your thoughts were ‘wrong’. Not civilised. 

Well. Let me tell you this, our world, our humanity, our lives that we live desperately just to speed up the process of death. 

None of it is civilised.

My, my, now I know I’m making you squirm.